Hisashiburi - Long time no see!
I lost count of how long has it been since last time I checked this blog. After all these years, at this point, we ended up in the same situation. For the first time in the history of our generation that people all over the world under same circumstances and can actually understand each other. I believe that we all started 2020 with plans, optimism, targets, and goals to improve ourselves. Oh just how much I had hopes for this year. A small update, I am finally able to study overseas after years of trying, I finally came to Japan last year which makes one of the most important milestone in my life.
A lot of things has changed since I started my life here. I get used to new lifestyle, friends, language, culture, way of thinking, and others that I might not have realized yet. This has been exciting until the pandemic came. For once I thought, this would be a good thing to give myself a break, especially that it happened around Ramadan, I could prepare myself better and get through Ramadan in the best condition. Little did we know that until this day, some of us are still in confinement and stuck inside our rooms. Personally, I am grateful that I am well physically, mentally, and financially Alhamdulillah. However, I feel the need to write as I have a lot of time to think and reflect on my life.
I have never felt so nostalgic as often as I am now. It feels strange, almost like I realize how a lot of moments just gone before my eyes and yet I missed a lot of things. I went through old pictures, replaying moments after moments, browsing through my facebook and found some relatives and old friends, checking them out to see how they are doing, got a slight intention to greet them but too hesitant. Some got me laugh while some brought tears. It is such a mixed feelings that brings both joyfulness and regrets at the same time. For all of you who read this, please forgive me. I know how much I have took all of you for granted and how I often forgot to say a simple thanks for all your kindness when we had our moments.
I came to some self-realization these past few months--in which I didn’t care much about before and still a lot more to explore. I started to think a lot about what kind of future I want to be in and what kind of person I am aspiring to become. These are merely plans with a lot of uncertainty of its becoming later, but at least, I know what to put in my prayer, a more specific kind. I realize the parts of my life that I have enjoyed the most, the one that was rare but truly valuable, apparently. That would be family time. Born and raised in Jakarta, I live far from my relatives--cousins, aunts, uncles, the close and distant ones. I always waited for special occasions, especially weddings, when we would all gather even though I hate the part where I should choose which clothes to use and put make up on, or the part when I would feel awkward when it comes to interact with most of them because I didn’t feel like I knew them well enough. Despite all that, I could feel the warmth and comfort that exist within the vibes during those occasions. This is what I would put specifically in my pray now, among other else, that I don’t care about what kind of life I am leading, where I would live in, what I would be, as long as I could have the privilege of stay connected to them and surrounded by people whom I love without having to say it aloud, people who give can provide warmth and to whom I can also provide the same.
These times of lack of social interaction has really made me crave for the best quality one, and made me realize of what mattered the most while it had been absent whole my life. I had forgotten of the aspect of life that our Prophet SAW has also advised us to maintain and reminded once again during this alone time.
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